Friday, 17 April 2015

Trust Your Heart– Trust Your Heart (2015) / 0%

Turd Fannyback Christian Metal

Oh god (appropriate use of that word considering what I review), this is truly something else... After releasing a bunch of awful black metal albums under the name Animae Capronii, Cesare Sannino decided to change the name of his project to Trust Your Heart. After album titles like Jesus Is My Hope When I Am Hopeless , Heavenly Unblack Metal or Please Forgive Me Oh Lord, he probably wanted to completely remove the black metal aesthetics from his music. Sort of weird when he already had a heavy/power metal band under his own name and released four full lengths till 2010 but I guess they weren't about JESUS!

Cesare might seem like a troll but I'm 100% certain he's as legit as these old grand-mothers I see leaving the church when I go get some beer at the convenience store near my place. I mean, he's from Italy, a country widely known for its catholic roots. I like to believe that people are serious about their art, if we can call this album “art”, that is. Anyhow, the album isn't bad because it's about Christianity, I like a lot of doom metal about Jesus and Warlord freaking rocks, it's bad because the music is simply awful manure.

Jesus christ is the light, the word of god incarnated”

Trust Your Heart is like a very bad B series movie, you know like these Chinese movies by Godfrey Ho that you watch with your friends to have fun and laugh at how bad they are? It's so bad it's good, it made me laugh a lot and it was fun to share the experience with others. The music is heavy metal, I guess? It's hard to say because it sounds like it's totally unfinished. The programmed drums are bad, they sound like a little wooden stick punching some cardboard and the guitars are often replaced with a twenty bucks keyboard/keytar found in a pawn shop. It's sterile, under-produced (self produced, of course) “metal” with really unusual (in a bad, autistic way) melodies. He even tries to include some black metal like this cover of this (probably awful) British unblack metal at the end. It doesn't even fit with the rest of the album, it's just there at the end, finishing the turd.

He tried to mix some music genres to create an “epic” atmosphere like many legendary and competent Italian bands did before him (think of Dark Quarterer or Adramelch) but he simply isn't talented enough to pull it off. It's cheap casio music that will be played at his local church by an embarrassed priest. I'd be embarrassed to actually release something with the kind of vocals present on this album, they're so whiny, weak and so annoyingly obnoxious. He sounds like the worst singers who did auditions for TV shows like The Voice that you can find on the Internet. He's like an Italian William Hung but it's even funnier since he's taking himself seriously.

With song titles like “Dark Thoughts in my Head” and “Too Many Visions of the Apocalypse”, you know you're in for a trip into putrid cheese territories. The dude can't write semi coherent lyrics to save the life of Jesus, I know it's not his first language and Italians aren't exactly well known for the quality of their English but come on now. It's middle school level stuff written by a dude wearing a fannyback.

The dude behind Trust Your Dream is so amateurish that he can't find anyone to join his projects and since that's the case, he has to do everything on his own but he barely has any skills whatsoever so his music isn't worth anything.

Indeed, it's a free download (well, at least it's free 'cause no one should have to pay for this crap) is in 128 kbs, I feel that a better bit rate would probably ruin the experience altogether. The shitty quality fits the awfulness of the music, like mustard and ketchup on a hot dog, it's the best experience you can get for choosing to listen to something like that. Like hot dogs, it's surely bad for you but you'll at least enjoy it. Nevertheless, unlike processed meat, this will never leave my body, it will forever be in my head like Christ is in heart, I guess?

1 comment:

l6rdbeck said...

And yet it is still better than anything Metantoine has come out with!!! lol.